In light of the verdict for the Stuebenville rapists, I felt today was the right day to start my blogging process again. For the past few months I have written endless notes of topics I want to discuss, things I want to say and words I want to get out. Often I would let my own laziness consume me, and somedays I would just feel dejected by the whole process altogether.
For the past few months I have felt so broken, hopeless and sad at the state of our society. I know that is such a broad statement but I am specifically upset at the numerous rapes, suicides [due to rape] and assault that so many women have to face. It really makes me feel like I am useless in this fight against women by the sick bastards in our society. However, everyday I realize that the real way to get justice for all the injustice they face is by carrying on with my normal daily life, and being active in educating myself and others on the ways to practically help our society in this front. However, that is sometimes so much easier said than done.
Everyday I am made more aware of my own gender, my own flesh and my own body. The news, the events and the scary stories in my local area make me feel this way. Yesterday night just solidified that for me.
I like to think that I am pretty feisty and fierce when it comes to protecting my 4'11, 95 pound self. My father has made it a point to put me in karate and build up my own confidence so that I can feel empowered. I have been on my own since I was 17 and have usually lived alone for the most part. I am usually aware of my surrounding and I know what to do when someone makes me feel threatened. I have walked around in the streets of Chicago late at night, I have walked the streets of New York at 2 or 3 in the morning. I have to say that often I feel blessed to encounter more good people than bad (for lack of a better term) ones. Every so often though I am reminded of how easy it is for me to feel scared and patronized, and the refuge I seek at that time is in the protection of a man.
At first I use to feel cheapened that as a modern day woman I would need to seek a man to protect me. However, everyday I see this less as a battle against me and the men out there. I let my mind and body know that looking for protection in a scary situation is often provoked by a man, but often I am also safeguarded by a man as well. This cycle of good and bad is no new concept in our society. In the same way that there are women who abuse and rape men, there are also good women who protect and cherish them. Let me share what happened to me last night that really made me want to write this piece.
I was coming home yesterday relatively early. I work in West Village and have to take the 1 train all the way to 242nd, which is Yonkers. It's usually a ride that makes me feel safe because the neighborhood is no longer is foreign to me and I am aware of what to look out for if I feel scared. Sometimes my own ability to be fierce makes me put my own guard down, but not last night. A 5 foot man was standing next to me as I was sitting down, he was eyeing me and usually these glances do not bother me. I realize we are human and we have the tendency to stare at things that intrigue us, or make us wonder, or make us say "WTF".
I didn't pay much attention to this man. Then he started talking to these two men in front of him, and he took his foot out and almost tried to kick the man's son. The man said "Sir, you need to relax. I am not trying to start a fight and go to jail" At that moment, the creep (as I will call him) gets soo close to my face, I could feel his sick breath. I immediately shot him my deadliest glance. He started laughing and waving to me, he starts eyeing my phone and me. I have not felt this kind of fear in me for a while. I immediately put my phone away and avoided his glance. That did not make him avoid me. Then finally I asked the man in front of me if I could sit next to them, I felt maybe I was at least safe next to them. I felt at any instance if the man reached out to me, he could really hurt me - not that he would be able to do that so easily, I know how to fight back. The nice man let me sit there and then the creep followed me there as well. Then I got up, almost pushing him out of the way and went and just stood next to the man. I let him know I am sorry to bother him but I just felt a bit scared. He said don't worry, you are safe here. The moment of realization that I needed another man to protect me, made me confused and safe at the same time. I realized immediately that the struggle is not always between man and woman, it's between the sick minded evil creeps and the everyday normal and benevelont ones. The man ended up following me to my last stop to make sure I was safe. I have never got off so quickly, and I immediately called my mother and she heard the fear in my voice.
Here is my main point in telling you this story. As a woman there are certain times that we have to accept that we do need protection. I am not blaming myself, or any other woman for attracting the sick creeps. We are in no way responsible for idiots and imbeciles that have no control over their desires. However, we do have to keep aware of our surrounding and when we may need to seek a safe haven in order to protect ourselves. I do not feel any less of a woman or any weaker if I ask another man to help me if I do not feel safe, it is a wonderful quality that men have and it's one that I am willing to embrace.
The rapes in India, America and the everyday assaults we hear about really can be demoralizing. I know often I wonder what can I do to stop these right now? The least I can do is keep myself safe, educate those around me the best way I know how and also appreciate the many good people out there that fight silent and loud battles to keep us safe. We need to engage men in our own fight against these deadly and silent attacks. There are more men out there that are willing to respect, love and protect women and would risk their own safety for ours. We can't forget them either. The united connection between men and women in this fight is what ultimately can make a difference, and help us work towards a safer society. It can't ever be beneficial for us to think its an us (women) vs them (men). The fight is more of a battle between men and women who are united and want to fight together against those sick, imbecile and flawed criminals.
Now I ask you, if you had the time and money to do one thing against this fight (something more practical and not just idealistically appealing), what would you do?
For the past few months I have felt so broken, hopeless and sad at the state of our society. I know that is such a broad statement but I am specifically upset at the numerous rapes, suicides [due to rape] and assault that so many women have to face. It really makes me feel like I am useless in this fight against women by the sick bastards in our society. However, everyday I realize that the real way to get justice for all the injustice they face is by carrying on with my normal daily life, and being active in educating myself and others on the ways to practically help our society in this front. However, that is sometimes so much easier said than done.
Everyday I am made more aware of my own gender, my own flesh and my own body. The news, the events and the scary stories in my local area make me feel this way. Yesterday night just solidified that for me.
I like to think that I am pretty feisty and fierce when it comes to protecting my 4'11, 95 pound self. My father has made it a point to put me in karate and build up my own confidence so that I can feel empowered. I have been on my own since I was 17 and have usually lived alone for the most part. I am usually aware of my surrounding and I know what to do when someone makes me feel threatened. I have walked around in the streets of Chicago late at night, I have walked the streets of New York at 2 or 3 in the morning. I have to say that often I feel blessed to encounter more good people than bad (for lack of a better term) ones. Every so often though I am reminded of how easy it is for me to feel scared and patronized, and the refuge I seek at that time is in the protection of a man.
At first I use to feel cheapened that as a modern day woman I would need to seek a man to protect me. However, everyday I see this less as a battle against me and the men out there. I let my mind and body know that looking for protection in a scary situation is often provoked by a man, but often I am also safeguarded by a man as well. This cycle of good and bad is no new concept in our society. In the same way that there are women who abuse and rape men, there are also good women who protect and cherish them. Let me share what happened to me last night that really made me want to write this piece.
I was coming home yesterday relatively early. I work in West Village and have to take the 1 train all the way to 242nd, which is Yonkers. It's usually a ride that makes me feel safe because the neighborhood is no longer is foreign to me and I am aware of what to look out for if I feel scared. Sometimes my own ability to be fierce makes me put my own guard down, but not last night. A 5 foot man was standing next to me as I was sitting down, he was eyeing me and usually these glances do not bother me. I realize we are human and we have the tendency to stare at things that intrigue us, or make us wonder, or make us say "WTF".
I didn't pay much attention to this man. Then he started talking to these two men in front of him, and he took his foot out and almost tried to kick the man's son. The man said "Sir, you need to relax. I am not trying to start a fight and go to jail" At that moment, the creep (as I will call him) gets soo close to my face, I could feel his sick breath. I immediately shot him my deadliest glance. He started laughing and waving to me, he starts eyeing my phone and me. I have not felt this kind of fear in me for a while. I immediately put my phone away and avoided his glance. That did not make him avoid me. Then finally I asked the man in front of me if I could sit next to them, I felt maybe I was at least safe next to them. I felt at any instance if the man reached out to me, he could really hurt me - not that he would be able to do that so easily, I know how to fight back. The nice man let me sit there and then the creep followed me there as well. Then I got up, almost pushing him out of the way and went and just stood next to the man. I let him know I am sorry to bother him but I just felt a bit scared. He said don't worry, you are safe here. The moment of realization that I needed another man to protect me, made me confused and safe at the same time. I realized immediately that the struggle is not always between man and woman, it's between the sick minded evil creeps and the everyday normal and benevelont ones. The man ended up following me to my last stop to make sure I was safe. I have never got off so quickly, and I immediately called my mother and she heard the fear in my voice.
Here is my main point in telling you this story. As a woman there are certain times that we have to accept that we do need protection. I am not blaming myself, or any other woman for attracting the sick creeps. We are in no way responsible for idiots and imbeciles that have no control over their desires. However, we do have to keep aware of our surrounding and when we may need to seek a safe haven in order to protect ourselves. I do not feel any less of a woman or any weaker if I ask another man to help me if I do not feel safe, it is a wonderful quality that men have and it's one that I am willing to embrace.
The rapes in India, America and the everyday assaults we hear about really can be demoralizing. I know often I wonder what can I do to stop these right now? The least I can do is keep myself safe, educate those around me the best way I know how and also appreciate the many good people out there that fight silent and loud battles to keep us safe. We need to engage men in our own fight against these deadly and silent attacks. There are more men out there that are willing to respect, love and protect women and would risk their own safety for ours. We can't forget them either. The united connection between men and women in this fight is what ultimately can make a difference, and help us work towards a safer society. It can't ever be beneficial for us to think its an us (women) vs them (men). The fight is more of a battle between men and women who are united and want to fight together against those sick, imbecile and flawed criminals.
Now I ask you, if you had the time and money to do one thing against this fight (something more practical and not just idealistically appealing), what would you do?
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