Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.

We shouldn't need a certain moment to awaken our conscious, however as humans we truly learn when to engage and disengage from so many situations. It also serves as a survival tactic and as a way for us to keep our sanity. We cannot fight every battle and we cannot argue with every sentiment.

However, there are certain moments that not only awaken you but they force you to wake others up around you. I had one of those the other day.

I grew up in New York during 9/11. In fact I witnessed from my classroom, along with my eccentric music teacher and classmates, one of the planes hit the tower. The feelings and the emotions leading up from that day to now are immense and too hard to encapsulate. However, one thing I felt very fortunate for was that my family did not suffer any huge atrocities that would jade our minds and hearts. We experienced human kindness and sorrow and shared in the grief of a nation. My father knew to stress the fact that we must separate our politics from our humanity. 

Since 9/11, every big and small attack that has happened on American soil has created a bigger barrier for people of my religion and race. We are always praying that please God do not let it be another Islamic radical doing this, please protect me and my family from the hatred of people who do not know better. We have come to a point in our society where before we even feel sadness and grief we automatically look for connections that are not important at that moment, or connections that we force ourselves to make - just to make sense of it all. The media lends itself to feed our minds with a tasty meal of "here believe this" and we swallow it down and sometimes experience a bitter aftertaste.

I could go on and on about politics and the media and all of that, however, I feel that my counterparts have posted much more poignant articles that can help address that. This post is more for me to question myself and those around me and see, how did we arrive here? Let me tell you why this question has become so important to me.

On Saturday morning around 8:40 AM I was headed into work. The neighborhood I work around has a lot of dogs, so you become accustomed to seeing some familiar faces and do the occasionally hello and head nods. That morning I saw a man looking at me very intently with a very solemn face. I really was too sleepy, groggy and apathetic to make anything of his stare. As I was crossing I hear him say "fucking terrorist". I was so stunned, because this was the first time, ever, that I had ever encountered someone saying this to my face. I literally stopped in the middle of the road. Then heard a car honk, started walking and heard him yell "You did this in Boston". I was in a crossroad right at that moment, literally and figuratively. For those who know me, you know that I am fierce and feisty and do not take name calling or disrespect lightly. However, I could have either crossed the street at that time and entertained his ignorant mind, or be late to work. At that moment, being late to work for this man did not seem worth it.

I did not let myself think too much about it after I went to work, but it did keep replaying in my mind. I was stunned to think what made him feel so confident in spewing those words out without a second thought. I should also mention that I was wearing a scarf that people at work call my "Little Red Riding Hood scarf" because it has a hood and wraps around. I suppose it was that symbol and that article of clothing that made him feel so confident in labeling me. This one article of clothing was so threatening to him that his anger and his words could not be contained in his heart. After work ended I ended up sharing this with a few of my co-workers

They were appalled and so furious, that I or anyone like me would have to endure something like that. I told them that I was willing to debate to defend my religion, my views and my beliefs but when someone says things like that to you, there is no defense to be made. My religion cannot be undermined by words that do not define it.

That is when it truly hit me, is this where we have arrived? Have we arrived in a point in society where we do not hesitate to say things without realizing what sort of consequence it might have. Perhaps I was able to ignore it but what if someone else could not? What if some fight had broken out at that time and I was on the receiving end of being physically hurt. I refuse to apologize for any of these losers who in the past have murdered so many civilians, in the same way I do not expect any Christian or Catholic or anyone else to apologize for Columbine or Sandy Hook.

We have arrived in such a place that we do not even feel shame to name call, or hide behind hurtful comments of our 14" computer screens. It made my heart feel so heavy, and even jaded for the rest of the night. When I woke up the next morning, one of my sweet beautiful co-workers wrote this status:

How can I possibly sit there and feel jaded and hurt by this one man, or  any others like him? In my 23 years of life, I have been blessed to be born Muslim, gone to Catholic school, blessed with White, Black, Asian, Hispanic, Hindu, Atheist and Agnostic friends (and many more of course). I have stepped inside a Sikh Temple, A Hindu temple and prayed for peace inside a Mosque. I have Christian friends willing to protect my mind physically and emotionally. I have a Hindu friend that invites me to her home for Holi and comes to celebrate Ramadan with my family. HOW Can I hate? If we really stopped to look around we would realize how little we have to hate. I am not bringing politics into this and you know why? Because politics can be argued and debated, I do not agree with all my friends on their beliefs and stands on various issues but my friendship with them is not diminished because of it. There is no debate to be had when ignorant or racial slurs are thrown at people.

We are approaching such a time where we are diverse but starting to become segregated. Instead of realizing that politics and social issues can be fought with petitions, awareness and elections, we make it a personal battle and hurt the people around us who have no fault in all of this.

This is becoming a long post and I feel like I can write on and on about this. The point is really simple though: people who feel the need to hurt others in such large scales do not belong to any region, religion or creed that would truly own them. They are a breed of their own. Our politics and religions should be the beautifying features of or world, not the polarizing factor. You do not have to love everyone, but you should not hate everyone either. If one loser kills thousands of innocent people, it does not mean that thousands of people that represent that person are out to get you. 

Trust me, I also do not feel hatred towards the man who called me this name. In fact, I can imagine that there are so many people out there who may feel this way because they had a loved one who was hurt or affected, or they have not had the fortune of meeting people that represent the better side of that religion or that race. I hope if any of you read this, you will understand that there are much more people sharing the grief every time this nation is under any sort of attack or threat. Take the time out to ask questions, venture outside of your comfort zone. If there is anything I can do to help, then please let me know that too.

The most important thing that I want to say is this, I am extremely blessed to have parents that thought me what love is - in its purest form. I am blessed to have an open mind and heart that allows me to love and accept my religion as well as be respectful of others. I am blessed to be in a country where I can write this from my bed and not worry about being alienated. I am blessed that no matter what, the good will always outweigh the bad. Words are profound, and I hope mine may have created an impact for someone, somewhere.

Spread love.

Scared in my own Skin

In light of the verdict for the Stuebenville rapists, I felt today was the right day to start my blogging process again. For the past few months I have written endless notes of topics I want to discuss, things I want to say and words I want to get out. Often I would let my own laziness consume me, and somedays I would just feel dejected by the whole process altogether.

For the past few months I have felt so broken, hopeless and sad at the state of our society. I know that is such a broad statement but I am specifically upset at the numerous rapes, suicides [due to rape] and assault that so many women have to face. It really makes me feel like I am useless in this fight against women by the sick bastards in our society. However, everyday I realize that the real way to get justice for all the injustice they face is by carrying on with my normal daily life, and being active in educating myself and others on the ways to practically help our society in this front. However, that is sometimes so much easier said than done.

Everyday I am made more aware of my own gender, my own flesh and my own body. The news, the events and the scary stories in my local area make me feel this way. Yesterday night just solidified that for me.

I like to think that I am pretty feisty and fierce when it comes to protecting my 4'11, 95 pound self. My father has made it a point to put me in karate and build up my own confidence so that I can feel empowered. I have been on my own since I was 17 and have usually lived alone for the most part. I am usually aware of my surrounding and I know what to do when someone makes me feel threatened. I have walked around in the streets of Chicago late at night, I have walked the streets of New York at 2 or 3 in the morning. I have to say that often I feel blessed to encounter more good people than bad (for lack of a better term) ones. Every so often though I am reminded of how easy it is for me to feel scared and patronized, and the refuge I seek at that time is in the protection of a man.

At first I use to feel cheapened that as a modern day woman I would need to seek a man to protect me. However, everyday I see this less as a battle against me and the men out there. I let my mind and body know that looking for protection in a scary situation is often provoked by a man, but often I am also safeguarded by a man as well. This cycle of good and bad is no new concept in our society. In the same way that there are women who abuse and rape men, there are also good women who protect and cherish them. Let me share what happened to me last night that really made me want to write this piece.

I was coming home yesterday relatively early. I work in West Village and have to take the 1 train all the way to 242nd, which is Yonkers. It's usually a ride that makes me feel safe because the neighborhood is no longer is foreign to me and I am aware of what to look out for if I feel scared. Sometimes my own ability to be fierce makes me put my own guard down, but not last night. A 5 foot man was standing next to me as I was sitting down, he was eyeing me and usually these glances do not bother me. I realize we are human and we have the tendency to stare at things that intrigue us, or make us wonder, or make us say "WTF".

I didn't pay much attention to this man. Then he started talking to these two men in front of him, and he took his foot out and almost tried to kick the man's son. The man said "Sir, you need to relax. I am not trying to start a fight and go to jail" At that moment, the creep (as I will call him) gets soo close to my face, I could feel his sick breath. I immediately shot him my deadliest glance. He started laughing and waving to me, he starts eyeing my phone and me. I have not felt this kind of fear in me for a while. I immediately put my phone away and avoided his glance. That did not make him avoid me. Then finally I asked the man in front of me if I could sit next to them, I felt maybe I was at least safe next to them. I felt at any instance if the man reached out to me, he could really hurt me - not that he would be able to do that so easily, I know how to fight back. The nice man let me sit there and then the creep followed me there as well. Then I got up, almost pushing him out of the way and went and just stood next to the man. I let him know I am sorry to bother him but I just felt a bit scared. He said don't worry, you are safe here. The moment of realization that I needed another man to protect me, made me confused and safe at the same time. I realized immediately that the struggle is not always between man and woman, it's between the sick minded evil creeps and the everyday normal and benevelont ones. The man ended up following me to my last stop to make sure I was safe. I have never got off so quickly, and I immediately called my mother and she heard the fear in my voice.

Here is my main point in telling you this story. As a woman there are certain times that we have to accept that we do need protection. I am not blaming myself, or any other woman for attracting the sick creeps. We are in no way responsible for idiots and imbeciles that have no control over their desires. However, we do have to keep aware of our surrounding and when we may need to seek a safe haven in order to protect ourselves. I do not feel any less of a woman or any weaker if I ask another man to help me if I do not feel safe, it is a wonderful quality that men have and it's one that I am willing to embrace.

The rapes in India, America and the everyday assaults we hear about really can be demoralizing. I know often I wonder what can I do to stop these right now? The least I can do is keep myself safe, educate those around me the best way I know how and also appreciate the many good people out there that fight silent and loud battles to keep us safe. We need to engage men in our own fight against these deadly and silent attacks. There are more men out there that are willing to respect, love and protect women and would risk their own safety for ours. We can't forget them either. The united connection between men and women in this fight is what ultimately can make a difference, and help us work towards a safer society. It can't ever be beneficial for us to think its an us (women) vs them (men). The  fight is more of a battle between men and women who are united and want to fight together against those sick, imbecile and flawed criminals.

Now I ask you, if you had the time and money to do one thing against this fight (something more practical and not just idealistically appealing), what would you do?